Ewwww What Is That?

If I'm pretentious, then I'm important enough to know this already.

Needle Marks

The phlebotomist totally left needle marks on my arm! At least it isn’t too bad. I’ve had better. I’ve had waaaaay worse. I’ll only look like a first time junkie for a little while today.


September 22, 2009 Posted by | Health | , , , , , | Comments Off on Needle Marks

8 Crazy Stories From The ER at DailyStrength

8 Crazy Stories From The ER at DailyStrength.

8 Crazy Stories From The ER

By Dr. Orrange July 7, 2008 2:53pm

Time Doesn’t Heal Everything – Get To The Doctor

A morbidly obese man with a large abdominal pannus (image at right) came in exhibiting red, irritated skin around the abdomen. It looked like a routine skin infection. But what was the cause? During the exam, I lifted the pannus and a turkey sandwich fell from between his folds. The man said it was about a month old, which the smell confirmed.

A woman living alone with multiple medical problems came in complaining of odor and itching of her feet. In what was left of both of her feet wet gangrene had taken over, along with hundreds of maggots. In the folded skin in the groin were more maggots.

As you may have heard, maggots do keep skin lesions clean. But they aren’t easy to get rid of, as they scamper deeper into the wound when they see you coming.

An older gentleman man came in with many complications from his diabetes. I went to take off his socks and as I began to examine him, the tip of his second toe broke off into my hand like a piece of turkey bacon. It was dry gangrene.

Private Part Mishaps

Periodically, men have arrived in the ER with the same complaint: “Doctor, my junk is purple.” The culprit is always a metal cock ring that got stuck. I’ve learned that regular ring cutters available in the ER don’t work. The time it takes to get more powerful (and cringe inducing) wire cutters does not help calm the patient’s nerves.

Guys, please consider the alternatives to metal — latex, rubber, silicone, leather, velcro, etc.

An elderly woman from a nursing home was brought in and complained of a “large ball” between her legs. It was her uterus, which had come out of her vagina. When one gets older everything starts to sag, and in some cases hang out, including the uterus and rectum.

A rectal prolapse is fairly common in both older men and women, and generally comes from weakened ligaments and years of strained bowel movements. So, eat fiber, drink water, and do your Kegel exercises.

Retained Objects

Doctors actually use the phrase “retained objects” to categorize this next group of cases. They are very common in the ER, but again, seldom discussed.

A man came in complaining of pain and bleeding from down below. He was trying to quit smoking and had replaced cigarettes with sunflower seeds, eating them shell and all whenever he got the urge.

During the rectal exam, we discovered a giant sunflower seed mass crowning like a baby’s head. Despite castor oil and trying to “deliver” it, we ended up picking out the pieces with tweezers until it was small enough to pass.

A woman came in complaining of pain in her pelvis, so the doctor put her in the stirrups and performed a pelvic exam. He immediately removed the problem — a set of car keys. The woman explained she didn’t want her boyfriend taking the car, so she hid the keys in a place where “he never goes”.

A patient came in with a very simple case: a toilet bowl scrubber had become lodged in his rectum. Curiously, he wasn’t sure how it got there.

So please everyone, remember to get to the doctor if something is troubling you. Don’t delay, and don’t be embarrassed — we’ve probably seen worse.

August 21, 2009 Posted by | Health | , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on 8 Crazy Stories From The ER at DailyStrength

Heart Walk 2009-2010 Birmingham, AL – General Donation

Heart Walk 2009-2010 Birmingham, AL – General Donation.

August 17, 2009 Posted by | Health | , , , , , | Comments Off on Heart Walk 2009-2010 Birmingham, AL – General Donation

Poison Ivy

Apparently, I am still highly allergic/sensitive to poison ivy. You are correct, it causes open sores on me. Thank God I caught it in time, this time. The last time I had a reaction, it went systemic. Just so you know, a systemic reaction to poison ivy is f’n miserable!


July 20, 2009 Posted by | Health | , , | 4 Comments

Why Would You Want To Look In There?

Why not use a Q-tip?

Why not use a Q-tip?

June 19, 2009 Posted by | Ew Gross, Health | , , , | 1 Comment

My Lunch

This is my lunch. It’s a “healthy” microwave meal. Not only does it look like vomit, but it smells like feet. I better lose a pound for this one.


It tasted like vomit. I couldn’t get past one bite. I literally gagged.

May 18, 2009 Posted by | food, Health | , , , , , , , | Comments Off on My Lunch